Posted with LifeCast

Posted with LifeCast

Today I realized what an incredible freak I am. I have single handedly managed to freak every guy out who has ever been interested in me. How have I done this? Well, I tend to analyze and OVERthink things to the point of exhaustion (for myself...the guy is usually long gone before I reach that point). I jump to conclusions and move too fast or in a different direction all together. The thing about it is that although it has just been made clear to me that Im a freak, I knew this about myself all along. I can easily justify my actions and rationalize my thoughts....to me it made sense...and I could convince my friends of it too. I am not completely ashamed of my analytical thinking...I like that part about myself...I am not a mean or decietful. I'm just ashamed of the fact that I have most likely missed out on getting to know some really cool people and making good friends. From now on I will chill out, slow down, and enjoy making friends.

Hey Ryan,

I guess I feel the need to explain myself to get it all out in the open. I am writing not as an attempt to get your attention and it us without hope, trust me. I am writing this to help to obtain closure and let go.

Well I realized some time ago that I was getting ahead of myself with you....well let me step back a bit. I knew from the first time I saw your picture online that you were someone I wanted to get to know. I feel I have good judgemnt and I trust my instincts.

So let me back up some more....before we began to communicate with each other I met a really nice guy which whom I was totally smitten by....but there was one thing...I felt something in my gut telling me it was too good to be true. He stood me up one night with some lame excuse about his car getting hit and I told I didn't believe him and to **ck off. I know what your thinking "wow, she really is a biatch". But then a couple of weeks later his wife called me questioning who I was, blah, blah, blah. My instincts where right.

So when you and I began to talk the first time I was totally into you and anxious to get to know you. But you kept blowing me off...or so I thought...so after a few attempts on my part and none from you my reacton (not instinct) was to run away..fast. It was out of fear and protection...not usually two reasons I like to base my decisions on but it is what it is. I was a little delicate at the time.

When I saw you for the first time at my branch all I could think of was what a mistake I had made. I knew in my heart you were a great guy and you proved to be everything I had hoped you to be.

After that, I enjoyed talking to you on the phone and getting to know you more. The night of the wedding...remember the wedding I went to ...I realized that I liked you and wanted to be serious about getting to know you. But I had this fear that you didn't feel the same about me. That weekend when I saw you I was totally getting vibes from you that you were not into me....or maybe I read into things just a tad bit too much so I freaked. I got ahead of myself and I scared you off. My anxiety turned into a reality.

I do believe things happen for a reason and I am now totally ok with where we stand....but ... for a couple of reasons I wanted you to see things from my perspective just a bit. I hate holding things in.

"I no longer wait by the phone," she says. "I no longer call my friends and say, 'Well, what do you think he meant?'…it's all gone. There's none of that anymore."Liz says there's no pain equal to the pain of longing for somebody that's not into you."You can talk about how sad it is for you to like somebody that doesn't like you and that's sad," she says. "But there's nothing like the torture of waiting and hoping and longing and making excuses and dragging it out. I mean, that's the suffering of dating. If you take [out] all of the waiting and hoping and longing, all you're left with—at worst—is, 'I like him. He doesn't like me. Oh, that's sad.' And then it's over. But the other stuff will drive you crazy." Liz Tuccillo

Looking at President Bush's picture of grief in the newspaper over the financial crisis makes me see his lack of sincereity and concern for his people. I don't think this look of grief is over the havoc of this nation but over his own personal agenda.

God has a plan

I was reading throught he Wall Street Journal this morning as it spoke of the aftermath of the Lehman failure and the hopelessness of AIG and the continued tragedy on Wall Street. As I was reading I could feel the energy of anxiety vibrating from the pages. I began to question my decision to make a career move into such an unstable market.



My thoughts quickly led to this year's election.



We need to change what we are doing and quick. We need people in office that are not afraid to do something different. To expand our options and send the American people down a different path. We need leaders who are willing to educate...develop... lead our people to greatness.

Truly living a life for God is like living like Lil' Wayne. Everyone wants to catch a taste of your beat. People feel the genius rhythm inside.