singlenessdom

Thinking about single people and married people...it's like we are totally different species. Having been on both sides I can attest that we are.

Single people are so lonely. Married people are so miserable. Is there an in between?

I know I am so not ready for marraige and although I can be in love I don't even think I can be in a commited relationship at this point in my life. So then, how can I become a not lonely, happy single woman and without being considered a slut? Or is being a slut so bad?

So maybe I should set a goal for myself to meet as many random but attractive men as possible and have them all fall for me so I can be showered with attention and never feel lonely. Is that the way to do it?

Hmmm...any suggestions?

mature love

Interesting...what is mature love? True intimacy? How does that feel?

hmph:(

I was in a very good mood but not anymore. I was really excited about the new year and the things unfolding behind it which made me very hopeful and happy. But yesterday my life had a few bumps in it. After being rejected by a lover and having to terminate one of my favorite employees I feel a bit down. I woke up distrought, sad, and a bit negative. I try to comfort myself and look on the bright side of things but than a thought occured "Why would I want to do that?" I need to grieve a little. I need to feel these moments to live and learn from them. If I don't, I might miss out on something....a life lesson. So here I am, feeling a little sorry for myself and annoyed with the fact that I don't have control over eveything in life. I guess I need to let go, feel, live and hopefully things will turn out fine.

the new year

This morning I woke up early and with a lot of energy. I couldn't fall back asleep. I feel a sense of urgency and excitement for this new year that penetrates my bones. there are so many things I want to accomplish, to begin that will shape my life forever. Today I will meet with a woman that will lead me to begin my own business and I have my first class of the year tonight, which will lead to me graduating in May. I want to update my resume to reflect skills that will lead me out of banking. Today I need to be focused.

I look at the news and the first thing I see is others fighting for the freedom I have. (random thought)

Anyway, this year I have made some resolutions:
1. I will not hold back any part of me that I feel I want to give, do, or let shine. (Emotions, thoughts, activities)
2. I will explore my sexuality. Learn about that part of my womanhood that I have always been afraid to give in to and let go of. (Sounds like fun.)
3. I will work hard this year to be and give my best with everything I do.

Sounds great...but I do feel I am missing something...I know what it is but it is not something within my control. I cannot put it on my list because if I do I know it will never exist. love. I want to feel love and be loved by a man. I want to truly understand it. I don't mean dating or having a boyfriend. I can do that all my life without ever experiencing true love. Plus, I am not ready to get married or to share my life with someone at least not yet...and I don't think I need to do those things to have the experience of love. So, if it's out there find me...and maybe we can explore resolution #2.