Hey Ryan,

I guess I feel the need to explain myself to get it all out in the open. I am writing not as an attempt to get your attention and it us without hope, trust me. I am writing this to help to obtain closure and let go.

Well I realized some time ago that I was getting ahead of myself with you....well let me step back a bit. I knew from the first time I saw your picture online that you were someone I wanted to get to know. I feel I have good judgemnt and I trust my instincts.

So let me back up some more....before we began to communicate with each other I met a really nice guy which whom I was totally smitten by....but there was one thing...I felt something in my gut telling me it was too good to be true. He stood me up one night with some lame excuse about his car getting hit and I told I didn't believe him and to **ck off. I know what your thinking "wow, she really is a biatch". But then a couple of weeks later his wife called me questioning who I was, blah, blah, blah. My instincts where right.

So when you and I began to talk the first time I was totally into you and anxious to get to know you. But you kept blowing me off...or so I thought...so after a few attempts on my part and none from you my reacton (not instinct) was to run away..fast. It was out of fear and protection...not usually two reasons I like to base my decisions on but it is what it is. I was a little delicate at the time.

When I saw you for the first time at my branch all I could think of was what a mistake I had made. I knew in my heart you were a great guy and you proved to be everything I had hoped you to be.

After that, I enjoyed talking to you on the phone and getting to know you more. The night of the wedding...remember the wedding I went to ...I realized that I liked you and wanted to be serious about getting to know you. But I had this fear that you didn't feel the same about me. That weekend when I saw you I was totally getting vibes from you that you were not into me....or maybe I read into things just a tad bit too much so I freaked. I got ahead of myself and I scared you off. My anxiety turned into a reality.

I do believe things happen for a reason and I am now totally ok with where we stand....but ... for a couple of reasons I wanted you to see things from my perspective just a bit. I hate holding things in.